Remember how excited I was that I could now set my iPod to quack whenever I have new email?

Yeah…can we talk about how freaking annoying that has become?

During the day it isn’t so bad. It’s loud enough that if I leave it in my bedroom I can still hear it in the living room. If I’m out in public I always have my earbuds, so no one hears it but me. And that’s only if I’m in an area with free wifi.

It’s the nights that make me want to take my iPod and throw it across the room.

I’m not one for a lot of routine/schedules when it comes to my home life/personal care (I should probably work on that).  But every night I a)have two red tea lights burning in a Himalayan salt holder, and b)fall asleep while listening to relaxation/brainwave entrainment tracks on my iPod, for which I use not earbuds but a sturdy pair of stereo headphones. At some point, I wake up after my playlist has ended. I unplug the headphones from the iPod, put the iPod on the nightstand and the headphones on the floor, and roll over and go back to sleep. I unplug the headphones so that in my half-sleep/glasses-less state I don’t have to deal with trying to get it all onto the nightstand without knocking anything off. And also so that if I have the alarm set I’ll hear it.

During the night/wee hours of the morning I tend to get a lot of mailing list emails (MyPoints, GroupOn, BuyWithMe, etc.) and job search agents results.

(Off-topic interjection – I just found a great pair of ballet flats on sale for $10, with free shipping, and I can’t get them because they only go up to size 10. Grrr…)

Now, back when I just had the regular iOS email alert sound, it was unobtrusive enough that I usually slept through it. With the quacking, not so much…

Now let’s go back to the fact that I fall asleep with burning tea lights. And more often than not, they’re still going when I’m awakened by the quacking. So my brain calculates all of this as firelight + loud-annoying-alarm = oh-my-god-my-bedroom-is-burning!

Fortunately, within a second my brain does indeed realize that it’s just the email sound, and recalls that I don’t have smoke alarms that would sound, anyway. And I roll over and go back to sleep.

(Yes, Landlord was legally compliant and had installed smoke alarms in both the kitchen and my bedroom. And I took them down – the batteries were dead and the constant booping was getting to me. I intended on getting new batteries…I just haven’t gotten around to it.  Not to mention that after too many years of living in dorms/university-owned apartment buildings where your fellow residents just might actually kill you for setting off the alarm, I really detest the sound of a smoke/fire alarm. Even if it will save my life.)

So now you’re probably thinking, So I guess you’ve switched your email sound back to the unobtrusive alert then.

Oh, hell no!

Pretending I’m CJ Cregg still wins out over scaring myself to death.